Randall Christmas letter

Merry Christmas!

We were a little poor and lazy this year so we're doing a Christmas letter on here. That way it will reach those that want to read it.  This year has been a year of firsts for us!  We have also been blessed beyond what we thought was possible and we are truly grateful for every blessing and everyone we know.

Sam has had many accomplishments this year.  He has taken the GRE, the Landscape Industry Certified Managers Exam, finished his LAST fall semester at BYU (woot! only one class left!), became a daddy, completed an internship, provided for his family, survived school as a new dad ... you get the picture!  He has also had time to play with Little Girl, do the dishes, clean the cat box, help Erin with her business, watch Monk, and eat sugar.  So all in all it's been a great year :)  He is now working on Grad school applications and will hear back hopefully by March or April.  He also applied for a scholarship and had to get letters of recommendation and the writers had many great things to say! He is also preparing to compete in a Landscape computer design competition in March.  So wish him luck and send prayers his way! (and Erin too because she will be alone with the baby).

Erin has also been very busy this year.  Her biggest accomplishment was probably giving birth to a baby.  Whew! She was staying at home with Little Girl for most of the year but just recently went back to working part time at her old job.  It's only been a week so we'll see how that goes.  She has also started her own business making custom chalkboards and beautiful interchangeable decorations for yarn wreaths (check out her Etsy page!).  She loves working on her wreaths so much sometimes she dreams about them.  She even researches how to be better at making the flowers (pretty sure she is doing more research than she ever did in college!).  It has been both fun and stressful.  But the best job is still spending time with Little Girl.

Sariah-As you know we had our Little Girl (whom we affectionately call Little Girl or Boog) in February.  And she has been nothing but a bundle of crazy joy for us.  This year has been a year of many firsts for her and us.  She has been a happy, playful girl and LOVES to put stuff in her mouth.  Especially socks.  Seriously ... she carries a sock around all the time.  She also has decided she's our new vacuum and dutifully picks up anything on the floor and puts it in her mouth.  Drives her daddy crazy :)She is always on the move and starting to slowly walk (yikes!).  She loves people, her baby cheetos, and playing airplane with daddy.   

As you can see our year has been full of new adventures, fun and blessings!  We are grateful for this season when we can feel the Spirit of Christ more around us.  We hope you all have a very Merry Christmas and a very blessed new year.

Love,

The Randalls

Friends and love languages

So I know I posted about being friendless and I have to say things are looking up! I have become friends recently with a girl in my ward who used to be the Relief Society president.  She has been really great at just asking me to do things and being willing to just go on a walk or whatever.  It's been really nice to have someone who has looked past my awkward shyness and actually help me open up a bit about life and let me share my opinions.  Today she and I went to the temple.  She found out that I hadn't been able to go since they made the new movie and so she found a baby sitter for both our kids so we could go.  It was fun! And I got to treat her to dinner in the cafeteria.  I don't really get the chance to do that much for anyone.  But I really liked doing it. 

In fact I realized the other day while talking to Sam that I speak a different love language than what I feel.  I love to give gifts to people.  I love thinking about what people want and how to give it to them.  And sometimes I agonize over whether it's good enough for them because I want them to know and feel love and appreciation when I give it to them.  For instance, someone brought us dinner last week after our lovely trip to the hospital.  It was super sweet of her.  But I haven't returned her pan yet because I want to return with something it ... but I cannot figure out what yet.  So she's probably not going to get her pan back until like ... March? Haha just kidding.  I'll figure it out hopefully before Christmas. 

But yeah I just wanted to say I have found a friend.  Actually I have found a few friends after that post.  The girl who brought us dinner also asked to be my friend.  We just haven't done anything yet ... maybe I should get on that. Anyways I'm rambling which means I should probably stop writing now. 

Christmas traditions

So .... this is the first Christmas where I have sort of felt blah about Christmas.  Not that I don't have the spirit of Christmas (because really I have longed to do something for someone for Christmas), but I have just felt like it doesn't really feel like Christmas.  I think the reason is because we don't really have any solid traditions that can help it feel more like Christmas.  We haven't really had our own family Christmas since we've been married.  Our first Christmas we were still newly married so we kind of just did whatever and then ever since we've been with family so we've kind of just did what they did. 

So this year we haven't listened much to Christmas music, we didn't decorate a tree or really decorate at all.  We pulled out the nativity and our garland.  That was it.  I really want to start some traditions but I dunno what.  We're still kind of stuck at how to mesh our original family traditions into our lives while creating new ones.  Sadly, Christmas is now less than a week away too and we don't even know what we're doing for a Christmas dinner.  Life is too crazy.  And we still can't decided when to even open presents because our families did it so differently.  So really this post is to ask those that read this ... what are your traditions?  Or how, after you were married, create or bring old family traditions into your new marriage?  Because really I NEED something to help it feel more like Christmas!

Hibernating

So a few days ago I posted about being friendless and I had quite a few people respond to it.  I was really surprised actually at how many people talked about their own loneliness, shared their love for me, and just gave advice.  And it was great!  I really loved connecting with people about it.  I realized after posting that I probably didn't give a very good explanation about how hard I do try to make friends and that there just seems to be a wall between me connecting with people on a personal level.  Which I think is what makes me feel friendless. I have acquaintances and some that I can say they're my friends, but because the interaction is so sporadic and few I guess it just feels like there's no friend I can really turn to comfortably at any time.  And that's what I really want. 

My cousin had messaged me after my post about how she has also struggled with this same thing even among family.  I think she and I are really a lot more alike than we realize.  But she hit it on the nose when she said she's someone who needs only a couple really close friends instead of a bunch of acquaintances.  And that's when I realized that's really what I needed.  I don't need to have 5-10 friends.  I just need one or two that I can turn to, be myself, open up, and just have fun.  I miss those days of being young and having a few friends and just doing whatever and talking about whatever. 

And it really sunk in today how much I need a friend to just hang out and talk and not have the need to go anywhere.  Yesterday I ventured out of our apartment for the first time since Little Girl got sick.  Ugh.  It was not fun.  It had snowed last week and then some more later so the sidewalks were covered with snow, ice and slush.  And since we don't have a car we had to push our way through in a stroller.  And I decided I'm never going back out until there is no snow on the ground because it was miserable.  I now know and feel deep sympathy for the pioneers traveling through the winter.

And because of this decision to hole up I realize my attempts to be social have gone completely down the drain.  So if anyone wants to come to my place feel free :) 

Back though to my friendless post.  I just want to say thank you to those that responded.  It was nice to see those that I never thought would struggled have also felt like that at times and that's it's not just me.  It's just partly me.  I do hope though that when Sam and I move that I'll have improved on my skills and our next home will be less overwhelming to dive into.

Hospital stay

So this week we got to have the experience of taking Little Girl to the hospital.  Short story is she got dehydrated from puking lots and lots. But this isn't really what this post is about.  Instead this is about what an eye opener it was for me with how hard it is to put your life on hold when someone in your family is in the hospital no matter how serious or not the situation is.  And how I can use my own experience to be more aware of what others are going through and hopefully be able to serve them better.

So what did I learn? 

Number one, even though you probably are just sitting in a room you don't really have lots of time on your hands because nurses and doctors can be in and out whenever.  And because whoever is in the hospital probably needs some attention from you.  With Little Girl because she's just a baby it was constant attention almost.  And although we weren't doing anything except sitting for most of the time it was literally more draining to do that than out running errands all day (it may have not helped that I was also sick the day we took her in.  I didn't really get much of a chance to recover).  And because it was draining, when we got home the thought of doing anything was overwhelming.  It probably didn't help that because both Little Girl and I had been sick our place was kind of a mess, so coming home to a mess was blah.  But it did make me realize that people who spend time in the hospital don't have time to clean, eat, or much of anything.  So next time I know someone who has to do that I think I'll offer to clean their place.  Or bring them food the day they get home.

Number two kind of goes a long with bringing them food.  Sam and I didn't think we'd be at the hospital that long.  I personally figured a few hours.  We'd be home in the wee hours of that next day.  So we didn't prepare ourselves with food.  HUGE mistake.  Especially because that day I had been throwing up too so I had had nothing in my stomach.  I was starving starving starving.  And yes the nurse station has snacks, but really? Goldfish can only taste good for so long.  And yes there's a cafe/cafeteria, but that costs money.  Money we don't really have at the moment to be honest.  But because we were starving we caved and got food there.  And I'm not sure if it was because I hadn't felt good/not eaten for so long, but the hamburger I got made me feel queasy.  And it didn't taste like a real hamburger.  Which was sad because I was really looking forward to it.  But anyways, because of my experience with lack of delicious food, I realized that it might be nice to just bring someone something delicious to eat while they're at the hospital.  Luckily towards the end of our stay I had a friend bring me a sandwich and stuff which was quite tasty. And I really do appreciate that she was willing to do that for me.

Number three, find out what else needs to be done.  I am a guilty party of just telling someone let me know if they need anything instead of specifically asking if they need anything.  But I also think it goes beyond even that.  A few people asked if I needed anything (which was great and very kind of them) and I honestly have to say I felt too guilty saying yes actually I do.  Instead I said, nope we're good. Maybe other people don't do that and actually say what they need, but I don't.  And I'm sure there are others who don't say what they need.  So whether they need someone to watch their kids, walk the dog, feed the goldfish, or they just need a nap, I am gonna find out what it is.  I hope.

Awhile back a family in our ward had their baby in the hospital and I desperately wanted to do something for them but I had no idea what they would even need.  I literally dialed their number so I could ask them what they would need, but then at the last minute hung up because I felt foolish.  I really regret that now.  I wish I could fix that now that I have this knowledge of how much being in a hospital for even two days throws your life off.  So ... if you were ever wondering what someone needs after they have spent even a day at the hospital here it is:

1. A clean place to come home to.  It's so yucky to come home drained of energy and your dishes aren't done.
2. Food!  Food for their stay at the hospital and food for when they get home. 
3. Whatever else you can think of.

Shy, married and friendless

I'm not sure why I decided to write about this because it's kind of personal, but it's been on my mind lately and I figured why not?

I am a pretty reserved, shy person around those I don't know well.  I am kind of awkward with getting to know you chit chat because I find it boring, and I'm too scared to jump to the personal questions or opinions, so I tend to just be quiet.

I'm sure a lot of people think I'm just a snob, but really I'm just terrified to open up.  I can't just tell people what I think, feel, and like.  Unless of course they ask me directly.  Instead I tend to just people watch and pick up bits and pieces about people (and then later sound like a stalker when I mention it to them :) it's great).  I like to see who a person is really before becoming their friend because I don't really like flakes or mean people. 

Before I got married I felt it was easier to make friends.  I was still shy and reserved around those I didn't know, but because I had more of an opportunity to be consistently around people in my classes at school, my job or with roommates I quickly adjusted and soon  became friends with people.  Usually I was the one that had to step outside my comfort zone to be friends, but it usually ended up being worth it. Once I got married making friends probably became the hardest thing in the world.  Harder than being married (which is a piece of cake by the way).

I had moved to Utah, so the only person I really knew was Sam.  I didn't have a job at first so I was a little lonely but I figured I would make friends eventually.  Ha, little did I know it took forever!  The first friend I made was a girl from my work.  We had been on the same team for like oh six months? Our cubicles were right next to each other, we had been hired/trained at the same time and yet we didn't even talk to each other. It wasn't until we were put on this project of putting call number labels on books that we were forced to either sit in awkward silence or start talking.  Luckily we decided awkward was just too awkward. 

In my ward though making friends has still been really really hard.  It probably doesn't help that it's got 300+ active members.  But sometimes I really just feel lost.  We've been there for three and a half years (which is really long for this ward).  There have been plenty of people that I would have loved to get to know, but for some reason I just can't.  

Before being kind of friendless didn't really bother me.  I worked and then hung out with Sam.  He was and is my best friend so it never really bothered me.  But now that I've been a stay at home mom for 9 months I have realized how friendless I really am (ha, slight tangent-I dunno who watches 'I Love Lucy' but now I really want to go cry in a park so the Friends of the Friendless will come find me!). Anyways, I love being a mom.  It's had challenges but nothing I feel that has made my life hard.  It's being friendless that has made it hard.

I did get to be friends with a girl who was the wife of a guy in Sam's major.  She had her baby a week and a half before me so we started being friends because of that (before that we kind of just awkwardly acknowledged our existence).  But then they moved on to grad school in Texas. Boo.  So I became somewhat friendless again.

Today though I guess I just feel a little down about the friendless thing because I'm not sure how to be a friend.  Maybe people don't get it when I say we should do something sometime really means that.  I personally would just set up a time and thing when I say that but most people would probably think me demanding.   Or when I say that I'm literally at home all the time and would love to do something, they don't take me up on it.  I'm sure you're probably now thinking, well why don't you just be more blunt with people and say "how about we get together tuesday?" and all I can say is I'm just too darn shy to do that.  Plus I admit there have been times I didn't really want friends.  I've had some friendships that just overwhelmed me.  There was too much drama and despair that I just don't have the heart to deal with it again now that I'm married.  I have enough drama going on in my head.  That doesn't mean though that I don't want to be a friend to someone during their troubles.  It's just hard to be a friend when someone just constantly has troubles ... all the time. 

For those of you who do know me well, you're probably thinking wondering where the heck is shy Erin?  You're just lucky I guess to know the real me.  But for those of you who don't know me past my awkward shyness or have felt like I don't like you, I promise that I really am awesome deep down in my gut.  And that if you promise to at least be sunshiney one day a week we can most definitely be friends. 

Ok now after reading about how I don't want a friend with problems I feel bad. I hope I didn't come across as I don't want a friend who has problems.  I think really what I mean is I want a friend who won't create problems in my life.  Everybody has problems. Obviously I do since I'm writing this.  I just find it hard to be friends with someone who creates problems in their lives or causes drama.  So basically if your life could become an MTV show we're probably not meant to be friends... because really it's only interesting on tv.

But I guess what I'm trying to say is if there's someone who you might think is a snob or awkward, maybe they're just shy and really do want to be your friend.

And I'm done.  Here's that Lucy clip I was telling you about earlier.  It doesn't have the whole clip but that's ok because it's Lucy. Which I love: Friends of the Friendless

Mawiage ... mawiage is what bwings us together today

There have been a lot of posts about marriage and qualities spouses should have and since I LOVE talking about marriage and relationships I thought I'd put my two cents in.

First off these articles had some good ideas.  For instance this article talks about looking for good qualities in a potential wife and not be so focused on her being blonde and curvy.  Or his wife's article about husband qualities. Both of these articles are both great because they encourage people to focus on something more than just looks or things that will eventually fade.  What they don't talk about though is about yourself.  People are so concerned about finding the one for them they don't stop to think if they'll be the one for that someone.

Growing up in the LDS church I have noticed it seems to be a standard in Young Women's to make a qualities list that you want in your future husband.  Most girls will put "musically inclined", "good with kids", "honest", "cute", etc.  Then we're taught how important it is to find a mate with high qualities so that we are able to lead good lives and have a good marriage overall. What doesn't seem to be stressed enough though is that we will only marry as good as we personally are.  We need to develop those qualities ourselves first.

You want someone with a strong testimony? Get your own first.  You want someone who will serve others? You better learn to want to serve yourself.  You can't just assume that these qualities will rub off on to you when you're dating, engaged or married.  You have to either be working on them already or have them.  People tend to gravitate towards those that they are comfortable around.  So if you want to be comfortable around someone awesome, you better become awesome yourself.

When I was single I, of course, had a list in my head.  But my list had things that were things I had or standards I already kept.  For instance, I wanted someone who was honest.  Honesty to me was a huge priority.  Not bluntly honest, but honest where you know they have a good heart.  You know when they ask them a question they'll be honest, but in a loving way.  Sam has that quality.  Many people have told me that I had found someone who was good and had a good heart.  Of course he's not perfect (because then I wouldn't have even had a chance), but the intent of goodness is always there.

Another thing I had on my list was he can't like watching sports on tv.  This one was a big one for me.  I got a lot of guff for it too.  People thought I was being super picky and that I would never find someone like that.  But I felt this quality was very important to me because I wanted a marriage where our relationship would grow based off spending time together doing interests that we each had.  And since sports were not of any interest to me I knew it would be difficult for me to be interested in it for someone.  Luckily, I held out and Sam doesn't have interest in watching sports :)

Another article that has been going around called "Marriage isn't for you" I thought was also really good.  And I agree with what he was saying 100%, but I saw a lot of people were against his opinion.  I realized that he may not have expressed his view entirely.  A lot of people felt that he was saying that marriage is entirely for your spouse.  And that's true to an extent, but marriage is a two way street.  You should be happy in your marriage too.  The problem is that most people think that marriage will make you happy because yours spouse will be the one to make you happy.  Expectations and thoughts going into marriage shouldn't be about how your spouse should be doing this or that.  You shouldn't base your happiness on "If only my spouse would give me a back massage I would be happy".  You will be happy when you love and serve your spouse.  Which is what this article was trying to say.  Marriage is for you too, but if you focus it all on you, then you're not going to be happy.

I admit there have been times in my marriage at the beginning where I felt unhappy.  Not because I wasn't satisfied with my relationship with Sam or because he loved me any less.  My expectations were not ideal.  I felt that in order to be happy, Sam should be doing everything I thought husbands should do.  And that he should do it without knowing that's what I wanted, like clean our apt before I got home, do the laundry, leave me love notes. Those things surely would make me happy.  And they do, but I realized (and still keep having to realize) that if I want to be happy I have to work at making Sam happy.  Sam will not ever stop serving me even if I decided to stop serving him.  But I wouldn't be happy because I would know deep down that I wasn't giving back.  It's strange how when you only receive your heart is less empty than if you continually give back.

So I agree marriage is for your spouse, but it is also for you. 

Now I thought I jump on board and give my own list of what you yourself should focus on to have a happy relationship with not only your spouse but anyone. 

1. Forgive and forget-Time and time again I have seen people hurt because they hold onto the pain that someone caused them.  Whether it the person mean to hurt or not, holding onto that pain can cause a domino effect in your relationships.  I'm sure you've heard before that you choose how to react to a situation.  But make sure how you're reacting is healthy.  It's ok to be sad or hurt about something, but understand that if someone like your spouse really loves you, they probably didn't mean it.  So lashing out at them will do nothing but cause more pain and hurt. 

2. Serve-There is no better way to show your love for someone else than by serving them.  People naturally want to be loved, but tend to fight against people helping them.  But when you serve and you allow people to serve you not only is your heart open to them, but they can open their heart to you. 

3. Don't judge-More than once I have jumped to a judgment about someone and realized how wrong I was.  People are imperfect but that doesn't give anyone the right to judge them and write them off.  You more than likely do not know the situation.  When you judge someone you also can bring up other negative feelings towards them and try to get others to stand by your opinion of that person.  It's not right.  Especially don't judge your spouse.  They are imperfect just like you.  I'm sure you have plenty of "undesirable" qualities that you don't want to be judged on, so don't pick at your spouses.

4.  Don't bring others into your disagreements-I put this one up because I feel that it's so important for you to work out a disagreement with someone alone.  If you and your spouse don't agree on something, let's say how to discipline your child, and you bring your parent into it, not only will it more than likely make your parent take your side, but it also makes your spouse feel betrayed.  You and your spouse should be a united front at all times with all decisions.  You're going to disagree at times, but when you come to each other to work it out, in the end you'll have a stronger, healthier relationship.

5. Compliment your spouse- Whether your spouse is the bread winner or the homemaker, compliment them on a job well done with what they do.  It lets your spouse know that you not only love them, but that  you notice their hard work.  And a compliment can go a long way to boost someone to doing better at what they're doing.

6. Be the spouse you want- Don't assume your spouse is automatically going to have an idea of what you want from them.  Sometimes the best way is to show them by treating them how you want to be treated. It probably won't magically make them start treating you in the way you want, but it will eventually get there.

7.  Assume the good, doubt the bad-This one I took from Elder Holland's talk "How do I love thee?".  Focusing on someone's positive attributes helps you forget the bad ones.  Obviously when you're choosing someone to marry you need to honestly look at the bad to decide whether it's something you can live with.  If it is, then from that point you need to decide to not focus on it in your marriage.  Choose to look at your spouse in a positive light by only acknowledging their good traits.

Six things you may not know about me

Yes, I got sucked into the craze of re-posting a status on Facebook. However I'm going it here because I think it'd be more fun to have it on here.  Plus I'm not a big fan of putting a lot about myself on Facebook itself. 

I got the number 6 from my cousin Tanya. So here goes:

1. Most people don't know this and if I have told them they tend to forget: I am almost entirely deaf in my right ear. I don't usually tell people because 1) I have gotten through my life without making it be a "handicap" in my life that I don't feel it's necessary and 2) people can be really big jerks to me when they find out and I'm not really willing to deal with it.

2.  I used to hate doing crafts.  Sam actually laughed at me when I asked him about Mod Podge and how to use it.  He didn't realize I was serious about it.

3. I refuse to get a Twitter account because it's STUPID.  #stupid

4. I always wish I wasn't so shy around people.  I really like talking to people but I have a hard time opening up and knowing how to engage people in a conversation.  So I usually just wait until they do it.

5. I think bacon is completely overrated.  Yes, it's good, but seriously people? You don't need to have it with ice cream or buy bacon smelling deodorant just because it's "cool".  It's actually kind of dumb to jump on the bacon bandwagon.

6. I love lists and being organized, but I am not very good at being organized.  It's one of my deepest desires to have my home running smoothly and being incredibly organized.  I feel like a failure if my home is a mess.

Well there it is.6 things I know you were dying to learn about me. 

Mean Mom

I just read an article called 12 ways to be the meanest mom in the world and I think it's awesome.  Below I posted the 12 ways and my take on them through my own experience and also my (and Sam's) expectations of our kids.

1. Make your kids go to bed at a reasonable time. This one, as you avid readers know, I'm dealing with right now.  Not only is it so important for your kids to get the sleep (because no one likes a grumpy kid), but it's soooooooo nice to get some me time for a couple hours.  Before Little Girl was going to bed around 9, which is really when Sam and I should be going to bed too.  But we would stay up after 9 just to do stuff.  But now that we've gotten her to go to bed between 630-8, we have time when we're not completely exhausted to focus on ourselves and each other.  So really it helps both sides. 

2. Don’t give your kids dessert every day. This one I never really thought about before.  Maybe because I don't really care?  The author had talked about how it shouldn't be every day because it should be a treat.  And I do agree with that, however I do feel that you shouldn't let your kid see that restriction.  If they're anything like me, once you say you can't have something, you immediately want and crave it.  Like right now.  I want cookies.   And sadly we have none :(

3. Make them pay for their own stuff. I agree with this 100%.  My parents had this in place for me growing up.  If I wanted something outside of what was already provided then it was my responsibility to get it myself.  It has really taught me how to be responsible and get a job, how to pay for college (without going into debt), how to save, etc.  I firmly believe that making your kids earn their own money to pay for what they want, they will not only be less greedy in the long run, but also be able to really value what they actually need and have.  They will take pride in their possessions because they don't want them ruined after working so hard to get it.  And I also think they will learn the value of buying used and either dealing with it being used or learning how to make it better.  This is one I feel I have worked on lately.  New isn't necessarily better.  And it's so much more fun to make things from the old!

4. Don’t pull strings. I agree with this ... at times.  The author basically said don't always go up to bat for you kid if they don't like their teacher, their science project partner, or the grade they got on a project, etc. to get them what they want. And I do agree you should let your kid deal with situations they don't like, but only do it AFTER you have figured out why they don't like it.  If there is a legit reason for your kid to not like something I think it's fine to pull some strings to get them out of that situation. But maybe that's just me.

5. Make them do hard things. I will probably be a pro at this because I'm mean :)  And because they will learn so much better if they have to figure out how to do something on their own.  I know I have.

6. Give them a watch and an alarm clock. I never thought about this before to help your kid learn to be on time.  Probably because I hate being late to things already so I've always tried to manage my time (although adding a baby to the equation really threw it off for awhile).  I think though that this wouldn't really be an efficient way to teach your child how to really learn about being ready on time or managing their time.  I think a good dose of reality would work better. Let them personally figure out why it's important to manage their time by having negative consequences if they are late or don't get things done that they could have in the time given.  Because really ... what kid is going to not lose their watch?  I hate wearing watches.

7. Don’t always buy the latest and greatest. Oh this lesson has been planned by Sam and me for forever.  I'm quite excited to teach my child that they don't need new stuff or new junk to be happy.  And if they want the latest and greatest they shall buy it themselves.

8. Let them feel loss. This goes back to making them pay for their stuff for me.  The author says to not buy them a new toy if they broke the old one.  This is a perfect way to teach them how to fix up what is broken or used.

9. Control media. Honestly I'm not sure what some parents are thinking when they allow their children to watch/play certain things.  In my home growing up we didn't even have video games.  Something that I am going to happily continue.  I am going to step up on my soapbox: I HATE video games.  I hate them so much.  I do not feel they are a productive use of time or energy.  They are addicting and don't really do anything to help you grow.  Yes, I understand hobbies/games are fun.  But there are so many more things your child can do that in the long run will help him develop his talents, personality, etc.  This kind of goes for other computer games too.  I admit for awhile I played Candy Crush (usually though when I was nursing Little Girl because it was the easiest thing to do).  But I finally deleted it from my phone because I realized it was wasting my time, making me more frustrated, and it wasn't appropriate for me to play when I had other things to do.  So I get that it can be hard, but do I feel out of sorts not that I've stopped playing it? Nope! I haven't even thought about it.

TV also is a detrimental thing for you kids.  Not because it rots your brain, but really it rots your time.  I don't think it's bad to watch it every day, but all day?  Or just watching whatever is on?  I love watching my favorite shows, but I also love reading, crafting, and painting and I can't develop those things watching TV all the time. I want my kids to develop their talents.  I really wish I had done that growing up more.  I have had so much fun learning to be creative.

Ok soapbox done.  

10. Make them apologize. This one of course just goes back to common courtesy (as does the next one).  If there is one thing I want my child to learn before they are on their own it is to be responsible for their actions and to be courteous to those around them.  Nothing makes me more mad when someone doesn't seem to care about others feelings or says/does something that is selfish and rude.  I don't want to get on my soapbox for this one, but I think everyone could think more about the person next to them instead of themselves.

11. Mind their manners. Again, be respectful and courteous.  It makes you happy

12. Make them work — for free. Chores! Muhahaha! And of course service.  I hope that I can teach my kids to look at those in need and ask what they can do to help.  It is something I myself try to do all the time because I firmly believe that you should be always trying to serve others.  Not only because it's nice, but it's also a way to show love and that you care.  And everyone knows what it feels like to be unloved at some point in their life. 

Phase 1 of sleep

I finally finished reading the No-cry book that I've talked about before (ok that's a lie I didn't completely finish it.  The end was stuff that I didn't really feel was necessary to read right now).  And I'm excited to get started for real.  I've been attempting sleep training every day but I think to really get started I have to get Sam now up to date with what he needs to do.  Last night he was putting her to bed (she seems to do better with him for bedtime) and I had forgotten to tell him that I switched gears and we weren't going to let her cry it out.  So he just put her in the crib awake and tried to soothe her while she was crying.  So once he's up to date with what we need to do I think it will go a lot smoother.  But it's going to take time and a lot of patience.

 No-cry has phases that parents work through to slowly get their baby to learn how to sleep on their own.  Phase 1 is all about getting your baby to be falling asleep (not sleepy but actually on the brink of dreams) but not actually asleep before you put them in their crib.  It's quite a tough balance to know when she's falling asleep and asleep sometimes.  Also, when I finally do get to that perfect she's almost asleep but still aware it is soooooo freaking hard to put her in her crib and not completely wake her up.  This is mostly due to me not being tall enough.  I literally have to stand on my tip toes and bend as far as a I can to set her down and I still end up slightly dropping her sometimes, instead of gently setting her down (OR she is still almost asleep and she flips herself over and starts to crawl which wakes her up.  Crazy child just sleep! ).

If your baby wakes back up the author says to start over again until you get her to fall asleep in her crib or until you're too frustrated with the situation.  Then you just get your baby to fall asleep completely so you'll at least get some sleep and a break.  I really like that she gives you the ok to work with your situation and your child.  Nothing aggravates me more than when some "expert" says you just have to do it.  Or you won't ever get your child to sleep.  No breaks, no giving in.  Don't pick up your child when they're crying.  They're just going to learn when they cry you'll come running!  Well ... isn't that the point of crying? 

I know that since I'm her mom I should be able to do what I want and feel is right, but when you don't even know what you're doing sometimes you just want someone to tell you what to do.  Or you've just heard over and over that doing something one way is wrong and so you feel guilty if you do that something.  Like nursing your baby to sleep.  I do it all the time even though the "experts" say you shouldn't.  But it's easier said than done if you have a newborn who falls asleep all the time when you nurse.  Or it's your only relief from them crying.  No-cry says go for it.  If that's what helps your baby at the moment then do it without feeling guilty. 

It's much better for my relationship with Little Girl to be able to slowly change how she sleeps than to completely shut her off from what she's used to.  We don't do that to crack addicts do we? We give them time and a rehab to get through their addiction and they still have setbacks even with success!  So why on earth would I tell my baby, um no from now on you're going to go to sleep in your crib without me rocking you or nursing.  You're just going to have to deal with it because you're 6 months old now and you're old enough to learn.  So just tough it out kid.  I can't.  Which is why I love this book's approach.  Slow and steady.  Take breaks when needed.  You're not going to ruin the progress you've made if you have one bad night and give up for that night.

Ok, I feel now I'm being mean to those that might be ok with letting their baby to cry it out.  So I just want to put this out there:  Don't think I think you're wrong with your parenting, because you're not.  You're not a bad parent.  I promise, I just feel that for me my approach has to be slow.  Just think of yourselves as those that can go cold turkey on cigarettes.  Not a bad thing because some just need to go cold turkey for it to work.  I'm just the crack addict who needs rehab and weaning ... slow weaning. 

Reading this book and then also reading Intuitive Eating has really helped me realize how good slow and steady really can be sometimes.  In a world where we want results quickly, it can be hard when they don't come with your quick fix approach.  But with these two programs they focus on slow and steady because in the end those results will be lasting (hopefully!) because you're thinking has changed.  Your view about certain things have improved.  You learn to accept change better and accept your faults because you realize it's a work in progress.  It's not necessary to be perfect quickly or sometimes ever.  It's important to just learn and grow.

Intuitive eating

So I mentioned in another post that I was going to some nutrition consultations at BYU to help me get back on track with eating and my weight.  My consultant is a student at BYU named Genevieve, and she is quite awesome!  I went in thinking I was going to have someone give me a feeding schedule of so many calories and I had to eat all-bran cereal with raisins on top (Yuck!).  But she actually has approached it quite differently and I feel like it's been such a break through not only with eating but with other aspects of my life.  She had me start reading this book called Intuitive Eating and it is AMAZING.  Seriously, if you have desires to eat better or to change your relationship with food this is the book for you! 

Ok, so I have gotten too far into yet but even just what I've read has really helped me step back and examine my relationship with food and society.  The book is set up into 10 principles to help you step back and examine your relationship with food.  Each principle is supposed to help you get to the point where you are eating intuitively for your body, NOT for the rules of society. 

This book started because these two dieticians would have patients who, under their watch, would lose weight.  But then after leaving their care would eventually gain it back.  Their patients would be upset because they couldn't keep weight off no matter how hard they tried.  They kept getting sucked back into the world of delicious food.  So the dieticians decided to re-examine nutrition and how it went with dieting and eating.  They came up with this idea about how our society has really ruined eating for us food lovers.  You can only eat so many calories, carbs, grams of fat, etc. each day so that your body will be thinner.  Except our bodies' cells are programmed for famines so when you go crazy after a week of dieting you binge and your cells cling to that delicious donut because they have no idea when they'll get another one.

This book brings back to us how to learn to intuitively eat for our body.  It teaches about how it's ok to eat something you're craving, because in the long run it's healthier if you give into your craving for ice cream because you'll more than likely eat less when you allow yourself to eat what you want.  If you've dieted you know exactly how it goes when you won't allow yourself to eat something.  You automatically crave it like a crazy pregnant woman.  You want it so bad that by the time you allow yourself to have it you eat at least twice of what probably actually wanted.  And then you go lie on the floor and moan about how you'll never eat chocolate again (even though you know you'll binge on it again next week). 

So... are you interested in what the principles are?  I thought it would be helpful to me if I post about each one after I read about it so if you're interested in taking back your body from the food police (also known as the society we live in), then sit anxiously on the edge of your seat my friend for each post.  I'll give you the principles below with their brief bios so you can get to know them before becoming friends with them.

1. Reject the diet mentality (this what I'm reading about now!)
Throw out the diet books and magazine articles that offer you false hope of losing weight quickly, easily, and permanently. If you allow even one small hope to linger that a new and better diet might be lurking around the corner, it will prevent you from being free to rediscover Intuitive Eating.

2. Honor your hunger
Keep your body biologically fed with adequate energy and carbohydrates.  Otherwise you can trigger a primal drive to overeat.  Once you reach the moment of excessive hunger, all intentions of moderate, conscious eating are fleeting and irrelevant.  Learning to honor this first biological signal sets the stage for re-building trust with yourself and food.

3. Make peace with food
Give yourself unconditional permission to eat.  If you tell yourself that you can't or shouldn't have a particular food, it can lead to intense feelings of deprivation that build uncontrollable cravings and, often, binging.  When you finally "give in" to your forbidden food, eating will be experienced with such intensity, it usually results in Last Supper overeating, and overwhelming guilt.

4. Challenge the Food Police
Scream a loud "NO" to thoughts in your head that declare you're "good" for eating minimal calories or "bad" because you ate a piece of chocolate cake.  The Food Police monitor the unreasonable rules that dieting has created. The police station is housed deep in your psyche, and its loud speaker shouts negative barbs, hopeless phrases, and guilt-provoking indictments.  Chasing the Food Police away is a critical step in returning to Intuitive Eating

5. Respect your fullness
Listen for the body signals that tell you that you are no longer hungry. Observe the signs that show that you're comfortably full.  Pause in the middle of a meal or food and ask yourself how the food tastes, and what is your current fulness level?

6. Discover the satisfaction factor
In our fury to be thing and healthy, we often overlook one of the most basic gifts of existence-- the please and satisfaction that can be found in the eating experience.  When you eat what you really want, in an environment that is inviting and conducive, the pleasure you derive will be a powerful force in helping you feel satisfied and content. By providing this experience for yourself, you will find that it takes much less food to decided you've had "enough".

7. Honor your feelings without using food
Find ways to comfort, nurture, and resolve your issues without using food.  Anxiety, loneliness, boredom, anger are emotions we all experience in life.  Each has its own trigger, and each has its own appeasement.  Food won't fix any of these feelings.  IT may comfort for the short term, distract from the pain, or even numb you into a food hangover.  But food won't solve the problem. If anything, eating for an emotional hunger will only make you feel worse in the long run.  You'll ultimately have to deal with the source of the emotion, as well as the discomfort of overeating.

8. Respect your body
Accept your genetic blueprint. Just as a person with a shoe size of eight would not expect to realistically squeeze into a size six, it is equally as futile (and uncomfortable) to have the same expectation with body size.  But mostly, respect your body, so you can feel better about who you are.  IT's hard to reject the diet mentality if you are unrealistic and overly critical about your body shape.

9. Exercise--Feel the difference
Forget militant exercise.  Just get active and feel the difference.  Shift your focus to how it feels to move your body, rather than the calorie burning effect of exercise.  If you focus on how you feel from working out, such as energized, it can make the difference between rolling out of bed for a brisk morning walk or hitting the snooze alarm.  If when you wake up, your only goal is to lose weight, it's usually not a motivating factor in that moment of time.

10. Honor your health-Gentle nutrition
Make food choices that honor your health and tastebuds while making you feel well.  Remember that you don't have to eat a perfect diet to be healthy.  You will not suddenly get a nutrient deficiency or gain weight from one snack, one meal, or one day of eating.  It's what you eat consistenly over time that matters.  Progress not perfection is what counts.

Stay tuned!

Naptime success

I just wanted to post this because it felt so good to be successful with something.  Don't feel like you have to read this!

So today was the first day of real attempts for an actual designated naptime.  And it was a success! Probably because I started the process of going down for a nap an hour early ...  I want Little Girl to have a morning nap between 9 and 9:30 (I wanted a range because she's not consistent at waking up at 8 anymore.  Now it's usually seven to 8).  So at 8 after she ate for the second time we changed her diaper and went into her room.  I let her explore while I reorganized her clothes.  I turned on some piano music so that it would be relaxing in her room.

About 10 minutes to 9 I stopped what I was doing, turned the light off and picked her up and sat in our rocking chair.  She was not having it though.  She squirmed and wrestled.  So I stood up instead and bounced her.  She still wasn't incredibly happy though.  I swear everything that is supposed to relax a baby she hates.  She doesn't like to be cuddled or have her back rubbed.  She doesn't calm down when I sing or rock her either.  It can be incredibly frustrating.

In the No-cry book it says you should have a few sleep words, like 'night-night', or 'shh' and you should only say them when your baby is relaxed so they associate the words with being relaxed.  I actually had tried doing that in the past with the word 'relax' but I was using it when she was squirmy and loud.  So today I used that word and alternated with 'shh shh' when she was quiet and still and it worked!  After the first like 15 minutes of trying to get her to nap she was squirming and whining, but once I started using the words while she was somewhat quiet she calmed right down and fell asleep within five minutes.  It was glorious to have some control.  And not that I don't have control as a mom, but there are days where I just hate the fight for her to sleep. 

The hardest job

Being a mom is hard.  And I knew that it would be from the beginning it would be, but I think the hardest thing about it is because I feel that there are so many opinions about how to raise your kids that if you do one thing you feel guilty because someone thinks it's wrong.  I read a blog post on the Matt Walsh blog about this yesterday and it's really very true.  There are so many different ways to parent a child that are successful that unless there is actual detrimental harm to a child's growth you really shouldn't judge.

I remember before Little Girl was even a twinkle that I had many thoughts and ideas about how I was going to raise my children.  But now that I have her some of those ideas have changed.  Not because they were wrong but because I have changed and because I now know her.  For instance, I thought I would rock her to sleep every night singing lullabies.  I was going to take her to the park everyday.  I was going to teach her how to clap.  But guess what? I don't do any of those very well.  She doesn't want to sit on my lap and let me rock her.  She prefers Sam to read to her. And I admit I am kind of lazy about that whole park thing ... probably because all she would do is eat the wood chips and that's not my idea of fun (especially when she can just eat Sam's plants at home).  And clapping?  She'd rather crawl and play.  Why waste your time smacking your hands together for no reason at all?

I do still have my core values/ideas that I will raise her with.  I will raise her to be respectful and kind.  I will raise her to sit quietly when appropriate and not to run around during Sacrament.  I will teach her how to clean her room and the rest of the house. Why will I do these things?  Because these will help her develop her character and be less selfish than her mom.  I want her to be someone that knows they are talented and wonderful without being stuck up.  To be not be a doormat for others' gain, but forgiving to those that have used her badly.

Ultimately though I want to raise her by the Spirit.  Since I have been going through this sleep training I have learned a lot about my values in raising Little Girl.  At first I was trying to go by the words of those educated in sleep and other moms' experience.  And it was frustrating! Not that they weren't right or didn't have some truth to what they were saying, but it wasn't feeling right to me or working.  It wasn't until I kept feeling like I should quit one approach and go with something else that things have seemed to improve.  I will still ask for advice from other moms' because I believe that's a great place to start.  Who else knows better than a mom who has gone through something similar?  But I will also take their advice sift through it, pick out what I like, pray and make my own solution through the Spirit.

So if someone tells me that I'm doing things wrong or too late, I need to learn to just smile and say "Thanks for your opinion, but I'm pretty sure I know what I'm doing."

Sleep training-"Is your heart made of stone?"

So .... I thought we got lucky with Little Girl and her sleeping.  She slept all the time as a newborn (even through the night on her first night home :/) and through the night once she hit about two months (speaking of sleeping through the night, your baby actually is considered to sleep through the night if they have slept a 5 hour stretch from usually midnight to 5 am).  Then about a month and a half ago she started having the hardest time sleeping through the night.  It has been awful!  The only way we could get her to go back to sleep was to have her sleep on our chest on the couch.  But even then it was miserable.  So I decided I needed to do something about it.  I checked out a bunch of books about sleep habits and helping your baby sleep through the night and I'm slowly going through them.

I started first with the book called Sleeping Through the Night by Jodi Mindell.  At first I was really excited.  I agreed with most of what she wrote about at first, which was about our sleep patterns while sleeping and how babies need more sleep and how their patterns are different from adults until about six months of age.  I knew that babies needed more but I didn't realize that their patterns were different.  They tend to have more of a "light" sleep than deep sleep so they can wake up easier when needed.

I also learned more about routines for babies.  I knew a routine was probably important but I have never been good at that, especially becoming a mom and trying to just survive every day.  After Little Girl was born I never really got into a habit of waking up, eating, and doing general things at the same time.  I just figured I'd go with her flow.  I didn't realize she needed more structure than that.

After getting through how babies need a routine Mindell started talking about how you need to let your baby cry it out sometimes after putting them down to sleep.  Reading this made my stomach queasy.  Sam and I had tried a cry out training when she was about 5 months and we couldn't stomach it after two nights.  And no offense to those that have stuck it out, but how can you stomach it?  It kept reminding me of that show Reba.  There was an episode where Cheyenne was dealing with her baby crying when needing to sleep.  Reba keeps telling her that she needs to let her cry it out but Cheyenne doesn't think it feels right to her.  I FEEL THE SAME WAY!

After posting about our dilemma on Facebook last week, I had a few people tell me that I just needed to let her cry some.  I didn't like it though.  She's my baby and I don't feel that her crying was really helping her learn how to sleep.  And as Van says (in jest) "Is your heart made of stone?".  Crying it out was not the answer for us.  So yesterday after really thinking about it and what I had read, I prayed and then decided to switch to another book called The No-cry Sleep Solution.  I haven't finished it but so far I have felt so good about it.  She isn't a sleep expert, just a mom (and parent educator) who after having four kids of her own (with two that slept awful through the night) thought there had to be another way to either letting your kid cry it out or just dealing with it.  So when her youngest was 12 months she begin her own research by reading what others had to say about babies sleeping and her own experience and came up her own program for teaching your baby to learn how to sleep.

She has it split into two sections.  Newborns to 4 months and then 4 months to about 2 years old.  The first section is about setting up good habits for your baby so that they slowly grow into a good sleeping pattern. I have just barely started reading the second section and so far relearned about routines for babies.  One thing that I really liked though was routine for bedtime vs. naptime.  In the Sleeping Through the Night book Mindell says you should have the same routine as bedtime for naptime just shortened a little bit.  I didn't really like that idea though.  I felt that would confuse Little Girl if I did the exact same thing (especially since for our bedtime routine it's just a diaper change, pj's, prayer, book, bed).  However, in the No-cry book she talks about having a routine but make it different than bedtime.  I love that!

Honestly I wish I had read this book when I first was pregnant right before having Little Girl.  I think just being able to focus my mind on good habits for day and night time before having a baby would have really helped.  But my mind was so fuzzy after having her and then time has just passed where she was a great sleeper, that I just didn't think it necessary.  After the month of terrible sleep I read some stuff about sleep training and I implemented a routine for Little Girl this past week for bedtime which was also reinforced in both books I have been reading.  It's still a little slow going especially because I still haven't finished the book but I really feel that this is a better way to go.  It will be a much slower process, but isn't that the point?  Good things take time to implement and be successful (plus I still have more books to read to really establish what I feel to be right).

And as Reba says "Nobody ... know[s] what's right for your baby more than you do."

Gerber baby photo contest!!

Yesterday started the voting for the Gerber photo contest.  I secretly really hope that Little Girl wins, but that of course will be entirely up to those who vote.  Everyone can vote everyday so if you haven't voted yet today vote for her!  Go here--> Gerber photo contest to vote!  Her ID# is 244904.  You know you want to vote!

Be ye therefore perfect

So, as most women, I have always struggled with my self-worth.  I measure myself up to those around me and usually find myself lacking in some way.  I'm too fat, my hair isn't pretty enough, I can't form as eloquent a sentence as the other person in class, I'm too quiet, not artistic enough, etc.  I'm sure many women experience this most days, if not many times in one day.  I decided though that I needed to change that.  I need to accept myself for who I am and learn to focus on my strengths and talents.

Lately I have been going to these nutrition consultations on BYU campus.  At first it was really a way for me to get some help with how to focus on eating healthier so that I could lose weight, but the sessions have really focused on not just eating, but focusing on myself as a whole.  It's really made me look at myself and see how I can really enjoy life as me.

As you have seen in other posts I really kind of like to make artistic things, but I tend to over analyze my finished work and see the flaws instead of seeing what a good job I did.  Yes, there are a few things that I am pleased with overall, but most of the time I think that it should have turned out better.  I think part of the problem is my imagination is just too darn good :) but also that society has trained us, women especially, to portray a perfect lifestyle.  It's disgusting really.  You have to have the perfect home, perfect clothes, hair, kids, husband, dog, car, Sunday School lesson, cookies, etc.  You have to look put together no matter what you're feeling on the inside or you've just failed.  At least that's how I've felt in my own life.  We used to have neighbors whose apartment was always perfectly clean.  It was amazing and I was so jealous! I would look in their window and then turn to Sam and complain about how I wish our apt was always that clean.  Even now that I stay home it's never that clean!  But I've slowly learned that it's ok.  We're not disgusting slobs, we just sometimes have a mess.

Anyways, I have really struggled with this "perfectionist" syndrome for awhile.  But then a few weeks ago while I was studying scriptures this amazing revelation came to me.  I was reading about being perfect and the Atonement and I really can't explain how, but this thought just popped into my head that being perfect wasn't this instant thing.  Now, some of you might be thinking, well duh Erin, we're taught that all the time! And yes we are.  Prophets and apostles have taught us that life is a test and we must endure it well.  No one is perfect except for the Savior and we will never be perfect without him.  This is all perfectly true, but I also realized that I believe we are perfect just by trying again.

Satan wants us to quit and give up trying to be righteous.  So when we "fail" at something, whether it's going to the temple, studying our scriptures consistently, spread gossip, etc. we have a choice: either give up on what we "failed" at OR try again!  When we try again we become perfected and we are perfect.  We learn from our mistake and adjust our course.  For some reason this way of thinking really help boost me into realizing that I can be perfect.  The Atonement allows us all to try again by repenting of that mistake and going forth with our spirits renewed.  I'm not sure why this just now hit me.  Maybe Satan has been so good at hiding this simple way of understanding how I can be perfect.  But now that I've made this wonderful break through I have to say it's made my life a lot easier.  I have a different perspective on mistakes.  Instead of thinking, Oh great I've messed up again, or, I'm never going to get this right! I try to remember that being perfect is trying again.  It's ok to mess up.  Looking back on things I have messed up on and how I have handled it when I had another chance to do better, sometimes I do great and sometimes I'm still needing to keep trying.

Another thing I am also trying to work on is remembering no one else around me is perfect either.  Even if they seem to pull off looking like perfection, they are not.  They have their own weaknesses and faults they are secretly working on as well.  So next time when I pull a comparison game with someone I will try to just acknowledge that they have wonderful qualities and I have wonderful qualities and neither of us is better than the other.

His work and glory

This past Sunday I had something hit me through the Spirit.  I can't remember what it was exactly, whether it was during Sacrament or during the bearing of testimonies but I feel that it's an important insight for me (and that a lot of parents have probably come this insight at some point in their lives).  The scripture Moses 1:39 says "For behold, this is my ^awork and my ^bglory—to bring to pass the ^cimmortality and ^deternal ^elife of man. "  Ok, so my thoughts might ramble a bit.  I'm not sure how to share this insight but I hope that it will make sense.

Before I became a mother I always thought that having a baby would be kind of boring.  Not that wouldn't be hard but just having a human being that can do nothing for itself seemed a little boring.  Luckily I have been very wrong.  Having Little Girl has been an amazing experience.  Not only because she's such a happy girl and is so fun to be with, but because every single accomplishment she has had has NOT been boring or small.  I have watched her from being a newborn to lifting her head up, to being able to sit up with a pillow, to sitting up on her own, to standing while holding onto something, to pulling herself up to a standing position, to crawling, etc.  Each of these milestones has been such an accomplishment not only for her but for me.

I recently read a blog about what do stay at home mothers do all and also a book called "From Pampered to Productive" where both of them talk about the endless work a mother has.  And where most of it goes by unnoticed.  No pat on the back, no recognition, nothing.  Which is what most mothers know will happen before becoming a mother.  For the most part it's not that big of a deal, but there are days where you have tried your best and you want someone to say "Hey! Look at what you did!"  Mothers work tirelessly to help their children to learn and grow.  To help them sit, crawl, stand. How to eat solid foods, how to read, how to tie their shoe.  How to treat others, how to love, how to say I'm sorry.  How to play an instrument, how to make dinner, how to make a budget.  How to learn from their actions by putting them in time out even when it hurts mothers probably more than their screaming kid at the time.  Why?  Why on earth do they do this for someone else? For many someone elses? Because they love them and they want the best for them.  And I have realized my true payment for being a mother and my true glory for being a mom is to see how far they come from where they begin.  To watch a newborn go from being pretty much stranded in her little body to being able to crawl and stand in 8 short months.  To see her success (and sheer happiness) at being able to do something she hasn't done before. It's an amazing feeling to see this progress in someone you love so much.

This is what I believe the scripture above means.  God loves us so much.  And he wants us to be everything we can be.  He knows our true potential.  Just as a mother knows her child will be able to walk and talk and learn, he knows we can grow and overcome.  And his glory is that we, through his guidance, will grow to our true potential.  A mother's greatest glory is seeing her child become a good and intelligent adult who makes good choices and is able to love and serve.  To see that her mistakes in parenting didn't harm them, but hopefully helped them.  For God his glory is for man to come unto him and to become perfected through him.

I'm not sure if this ramble of thoughts made sense to you, but as I have been a mother I have felt like I understand more what it's like for God. He sees us grow, fall, learn, and go through tests.  Sometimes we reach for him as a little child reaches for their mom as they're learning to stand, other times we allow ourselves to fall before reaching out.  I understand now why he allows bad things to happen to us.  How else would we learn?  How else would my little girl learn to walk if I carried her all the time?  Just like she needs to test out her legs and balance, we need to be tested and tried.  Because it is then that we truly progress and become closer to God, and eventually bring about his work and glory. 

Slap in the face

Today has been a great and hard day.  I feel like all of my church meetings had been tailored to me and what I need to be doing right now.  It was hard, yet uplifting.

Here's a little back info to understand today's slap:
I have lately been struggling with how to go about fulfilling my calling.  I am the VT coordinator in Relief Society.  And it has been such a struggle to get my supervisors to report to me in a decent time frame since I have started this calling.  Honestly I am lucky so far if I get one supervisor to report within the first 3 days after the month has ended.  This has caused much frustration, annoyance, judgmental thoughts, and ranting to Sam about how I can't get anything done without them doing their calling.  It seriously has baffled me.  I know callings can be hard, but seriously ... I literally feel like I have nagged a few of these girls to death asking them if they have their report for me.  One of them I literally have not heard from in two months ... Don't get me wrong though.  Not all of them are like this.  I am pleased that there are a few that have been awesome and I am so grateful for that.

Anyways, today in Sacrament it was fast and testimony meeting.  I can't really remember a lot of what was said but the general spirit there was definitely testifying to me of many things.  One was about love of the Savior, the work and the glory of the Lord (this specific thought will have a blog post at another point), and many other things.

Sunday school was about the prophet and his calling, but it was the end that really hit me.  Love.  Love people, serve people, treat them with Christlike feelings.  Do you get where I'm going with this?

Relief society: the lesson was on callings.  HA!  The sister started off talking about what are good attributes of a leader and then went on to talk about why fulfilling callings were so important. And of course being the awful person I am my first thought was "I sure hope my supervisors are listening" and a split second after that was "Erin I sure hope YOU'RE listening!"

Well that was really my slap.  The rest was really uplifting words and spiritual feelings that I needed.  It got me thinking though about I maybe I need to be approaching my calling differently.  I need to love these sisters.  They are probably thinking every time they get a text or email from me "oh my heck seriously?".  So my challenge this week is to figure out how to love my sisters that I'm over.  How on earth can I do that?  Well before this Sunday I had been planning on holding a meeting with all of them together.  I may not love them the way Christ does but I do sincerely want to help them succeed (and I do hope eventually I will feel that love for them). I want them to understand that when I say over and over that if they need help to let me know I mean it.  I want them to know I won't judge them if they completely forgot to get their report to me, or that they lost their sisters; information.  That I will still help them and still love them, but that I NEED to know this information or I get incredibly exasperated not necessarily with them but with the situation of feeling stuck.  This feeling that I need to be doing this didn't come to me today, it's actually been brewing for the past couple of weeks (especially after conference), but today it just really hit me how important this is.  How important it is for these girls to feel loved and to know being perfect isn't necessary to fulfill this calling.

On another note:  I have felt that I need to post more uplifting things.  Not that my mod podge creations aren't uplifting but I would love to share some thoughts/messages that I have had or come across.  The Prophet (and the Lord) have asked us to be better missionaries and to share the gospel. My bishop has asked us in our ward to reach out to each other.  I feel that this is probably one way I can approach this task.  So my goal is to post one uplifting once a week (or more) and share it on Facebook. Gasp! yes I shall be sharing my blog.  Which actually really scares me.  I have kind of been using this more as a spot to share things that I assume people really aren't going to read.  But I do hope that people will read and will share their own thoughts and opinions (as long as it's appropriate and uplifting.  I will take down or block anything that is rude, disrespectful or creating a hateful spirit).

PS I also changed my blog name! I finally decided on something I thought was appropriate.  It also has special meaning because it reminds me of my younger sister.  When we were younger and would participate in family scripture reading she always wanted to read even though she couldn't really read.  So we would give her the scriptures and she would "read" them and she used this phrase all the time.  I find it appropriate to use and hope that my life shall also come to pass in righteousness.

Mod Podge mirror

Here is my mirror I Mod Podged! I think it actually looks pretty good :) 

Sam found it on the curb a few weeks after my other one had been knocked over by our cat, Willis, and broke.  To do this I bought some wrapping paper from Honk's, our local dollar store.  I just cut out little sections and glued it on with the Mod Podge and then went over it again with Mod Podge.  My first attempt I tried to do the whole lengths, but that was a disaster! I couldn't get it to lay flat to save my life.  I admit I ripped it off in frustration and decided that it would be better to do smaller sections of paper. That worked out a lot better!  It still has a few cosmetic issues but overall it looks good.

For the corners I had originally mod podged a kind of gray paper to it that was in the shape of squares but I hated it.  So then I painted the squares gold and still wasn't liking it so I ended up cutting out more wrapping paper and making the squares into triangles.  Much better!

Here are some pictures of the different steps in no particular order.

Not very good ones.  I need to get better at taking step pictures :/  anyways that's my latest project finished!  This week I need to work on Halloween costumes!

Mod podging the world one project at a time

Here is my latest project.  Newly painted dresser with fabric mod podged to the drawers.  We found this dresser for a dollar at a garage sale. We had been looking for one for a little while for Little Girl's room because what we have now (a small entertainment center) isn't working for all the clothes she has.  So we thought a dresser would be better.  Other than a few things that need to be fixed I think it's a good dresser and a great find!

I completely forgot to take a before picture.  But the drawer above that isn't painted is the original color of the dresser. 

Overall I think it turned out well.  I'm a little disappointed because some of the fabric that I Mod podged frayed and the brush I used dragged it on to the fabric so there's little black things now glued to it.  I'm deciding if I can hide them with paint or not.  I don't want to paint it and have it look worse.  So we'll see.



Also I have been wanting to post about my wreath!  I decided I wanted to make a wreath but I don't want a million of them so I'm making decorations for each season that will go with one wreath.  Here are my fall and Halloween decorations.  That's all I have so far.

 Here's kind of how I made it. Instead of buying a foam wreath I just took cardboard and cut out several different sized circles and glued them together.  (the picture is a little farther down.  I'm too lazy to try and figure out how to get the pictures to be ordered right)

I decided the BOO that I made out of cardboard is a little too homemade looking so I want to make one with wood.  Anyways, those are the projects I've done so far.  There are more to come!