Hibernating

So a few days ago I posted about being friendless and I had quite a few people respond to it.  I was really surprised actually at how many people talked about their own loneliness, shared their love for me, and just gave advice.  And it was great!  I really loved connecting with people about it.  I realized after posting that I probably didn't give a very good explanation about how hard I do try to make friends and that there just seems to be a wall between me connecting with people on a personal level.  Which I think is what makes me feel friendless. I have acquaintances and some that I can say they're my friends, but because the interaction is so sporadic and few I guess it just feels like there's no friend I can really turn to comfortably at any time.  And that's what I really want. 

My cousin had messaged me after my post about how she has also struggled with this same thing even among family.  I think she and I are really a lot more alike than we realize.  But she hit it on the nose when she said she's someone who needs only a couple really close friends instead of a bunch of acquaintances.  And that's when I realized that's really what I needed.  I don't need to have 5-10 friends.  I just need one or two that I can turn to, be myself, open up, and just have fun.  I miss those days of being young and having a few friends and just doing whatever and talking about whatever. 

And it really sunk in today how much I need a friend to just hang out and talk and not have the need to go anywhere.  Yesterday I ventured out of our apartment for the first time since Little Girl got sick.  Ugh.  It was not fun.  It had snowed last week and then some more later so the sidewalks were covered with snow, ice and slush.  And since we don't have a car we had to push our way through in a stroller.  And I decided I'm never going back out until there is no snow on the ground because it was miserable.  I now know and feel deep sympathy for the pioneers traveling through the winter.

And because of this decision to hole up I realize my attempts to be social have gone completely down the drain.  So if anyone wants to come to my place feel free :) 

Back though to my friendless post.  I just want to say thank you to those that responded.  It was nice to see those that I never thought would struggled have also felt like that at times and that's it's not just me.  It's just partly me.  I do hope though that when Sam and I move that I'll have improved on my skills and our next home will be less overwhelming to dive into.