Kicking society to the curb

So I have a problem.  I have been struggling with my inner core values and how they mesh with societies values.  It's been so overwhelming because I have allowed myself to think and feel a certain way based on what I perceive society expects from me.

I am struggling in many different areas but I'll just use the example of my home and myself.  I have felt that if my home is not perfectly organized and clean then I am not a good homemaker.  I am not worthy to have friends if I'm a slob.  Or if I don't have dinner cooked when Sam comes home I'm a bad wife.  If I eat sugar and bread I'm unhealthy.  If I don't get back to my pre-pregnancy weight I'm a lazy bum. I'm here to say back off society!  I'm so sick and tired of feeling like this.  I'm tired of reading about people who lost all their baby weight in two weeks.  I'm tired of feeling like if there's a spot on my kitchen floor I'm a disgusting slob.  I'm tired of feeling like if my child has made a mess of her outfit I'm a bad mom.

 I read a blog today about why someone loved housekeeping (you can read it here).  When I first started reading I was a little skeptical because I thought it was going to be about why you are bad if you're not in love with cleaning.  But as I kept reading I was pleasantly surprised.  Instead of being in love with housekeeping because it's what society expects, it's all about showing love.  And I realized that was my problem.  I was so focused on what other people think of me that I didn't realize I should be doing things because I love myself, my family, and those around me.  I should clean the bathroom not because I don't want people to know I spilled toothpaste on the counter, but because I want them to feel relaxed and not uncomfortable.

I have felt so out of sorts because I never feel like I live up to standards in society.  I'm not a size six, I don't cook dinner every night, I don't clean everyday, my hair isn't perfectly coifed and sometimes I wear my pajamas all day.  I need to step back and take a really good look at what I value and what's important to me at the end of the day.   I was thinking about this today and feeling inadequate as a wife and mom (I even kind of had a small breakdown). I realized that I had measured my worth as a wife and mom against how well I took care of the home.  And then I realized that the only thing I should be measuring is what the Lord has commanded us to do in the Proclamation to the world:

                    " Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide    for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live ... . Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children."  

It doesn't say I need to have the dishes done by 9 am or that I need to be wearing pearls while cooking.  It says I need to TEACH, LOVE and NURTURE.  So what if there are toys everywhere?  It's probably because all of Little Girl's animals decided to attack the cats.  Who cares if I have cloth diapers drying in the living room when someone comes over.  I was too busy having a tickle fight and teaching Little Girl how to walk.   

I can't constantly live my life in fear that if I'm not perfect I'm not acceptable.  Because I am doing what's important.  When I focus on what I'm "supposed" to be doing I stress out and become irritable.  I am impatient and kind of mean.  But when I focus on Little Girl, Sam, and myself I am happier.  When I concentrate on getting the things done that bring the Spirit in my home or doing things because I want to do them I am happier.

It's not a bad thing to have a clean house or dinner ready when Sam comes home if I do them because I want to and because I love my family.  It's not a bad thing to do my hair and wear a pearl necklace because it makes me feel good. It is a bad thing though if I'm just trying to live up to the standards of others.  So I'm kicking society's rules to the curb.  If you come over to my house and it's a mess it's not because I'm slob.  It's probably because I decided that cleaning was a little less important that day.

Intuitive Eating: Reject the Diet Mentality

So I'm just now posting about the first section on Intuitive Eating (it took me forever to read it).  It's all about rejecting the diet mentality. 

What is the diet mentality exactly?  For those of you that have been on a diet or two probably know exactly what it means.  When you're on a diet, whether it's counting calories, points, carbs, etc. you have your mind so focused on what you can and can't eat that once you're off a diet you still subconsciously think about what you can and can't have.  You feel guilty if you have a cookie or eat after six, etc.  The diet mentality causes you to think a certain way about food and yourself.  Many people who diet struggle with self-esteem, have depression, and are usually overweight.  Why?  They are overweight because dieters tend to binge when they're restricted.  This leads to the depression and low self-esteem because they feel they are failures for not having the willpower to keep to their diet.

After reading this section I really became more aware of the mentality that I have in my own life.  I technically have only done one legit diet in my life where I actually kept track of my calories, but looking back at my life since high school I know I skipped meals or let myself feel hungry because I had already eaten "too" much that day.  Mentally I felt that this was going to make me feel skinny.  I hated feeling like I wasn't good enough to society because I wasn't a certain size or because I loved to eat.  I hated that I had to fit into certain unwritten rules to feel good about myself or to that my worth was attached to a scale number. 

Rejecting the diet mentality has been a huge release for me.  I feel that it's given me the chance to step back and look at how my thought process of how I follow these rules that I don't really have to follow.  Or how I don't have to worry about my weight but about how my body feels when eating.  I need to be in tune with my body and eat what helps my body feel good and strong, not what makes me skinny.   When I let go of the rules I have noticed that I don't eat as much junk.  Over the summer Sam and I tried counting calories.  We both had a certain amount we could eat every day and so we would hoard them until the end of the day where we would literally eat at least a cup of ice cream every night.  We went through ice cream like crazy! After we stopped counting though?  We could have a half gallon sit in our freezer for a couple weeks before it was gone.  It's interesting how when you restrict yourself from something your body rebels and that's ALL it wants.  You probably know how it is. 

Many times you may hear people talk about how they're doing a cleanse or a juice fast to detox their body or lose weight quickly.  These always made my feel uncomfortable because it didn't seem natural to do.  And they're not.  Our bodies come with "cleansers" with our kidneys and liver.  We don't need to do that sort of thing.  And losing weight fast? It's really just water not fat.  It's not healthy to lose weight so fast.  It causes your body to go into starvation mode which in the long run makes you gain more weight because you will tend to binge and overeat what your body really needs. 

My favorite part in this section was this "Nobody can be the expert of "you."  Only you know your thoughts, feelings, and experiences.  You will learn to trust your internal wisdom and will learn to listen to and honor your inner cues (both physical and emotional), all of which feels empowering."  I love that! I love the thought that I can take my body back.  I can change my thinking from "That cookie will make me fat" to "Do I want a cookie?".  Already, by just rejecting this mentality in my life and paying more attention to what my body wants and how it feels has helped me notice if I feel good or bad physically and mentally with what and how much I eat.  Obviously it's not perfect since I just started.  But I definitely can see a difference already. 

New Year new insight

So, most of you probably thought about resolutions/goals you wanted to make for the new year.  I personally did not.  At least not at first.  I admit I'm not a fan of goal making.  Not because I believe goals are pointless, but more so because I have felt I never succeed at goals I make.  So I just couldn't see the point of making a goal that I might fail at this year.  Instead I wanted to just go with what this year brought me and just continue to try and do my best in whatever it was I wanted to do.  This might seem narrow minded to those that make goals on a regular basis and maybe it is.  But I have struggled so much in the past where I make a goal and then fall short.  Maybe I'm not approaching it right.  Maybe I'm attempting more than I should.  Whatever the reason, I feel that I do better not making a super specific goal and then falling short.  I do make goals though.  They aren't laid out on paper with specific timetables or necessarily a desired result.  Instead I just decide I want to do something and see how it goes. 

So, after the official day of the new year passed I decided I had a goal I wanted to work on.  My tongue, or more specifically, my words.  I struggle a lot with saying negative things about myself, people around me, etc. that I can do without.  I also struggle with not saying enough positive.  I want to focus this year on being more proactive with decreasing the negative and encouraging the positive.  It's going to be really hard though.  More so on the positive side.  I am not very good at complimenting or uplifting people with my words.  It's not that I don't want to or attempt it, I just feel that I could improve. I know of those that whoever they are around they compliment and uplift.  They express love and appreciation for who that person is and what they do.  They overlook that person's negative attributes and only focus on the positive.  I want to be that person. I want people around me to feel loved, not necessarily by me, but because they have worth.  So many times I get caught up in what's not fair or why must people do this or that.  Instead I want to focus on how awesome someone is or what a great talent someone has. 

How will I do this? I don't know. Like I said I'm not so great at writing down a goal and putting down small goals and deadlines to reach it.  Although I figure my deadline is when I'm dead I hope I reached my goal.  But I do know that if I try to change things in my own life, such as studying scriptures more, praying more, participating in uplifting productive things, perhaps that will direct my tongue as well.  And to start off this goal I will studying a talk give by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland called "The Tongue of Angels".  It's worth a read or reread.