Kicking society to the curb

So I have a problem.  I have been struggling with my inner core values and how they mesh with societies values.  It's been so overwhelming because I have allowed myself to think and feel a certain way based on what I perceive society expects from me.

I am struggling in many different areas but I'll just use the example of my home and myself.  I have felt that if my home is not perfectly organized and clean then I am not a good homemaker.  I am not worthy to have friends if I'm a slob.  Or if I don't have dinner cooked when Sam comes home I'm a bad wife.  If I eat sugar and bread I'm unhealthy.  If I don't get back to my pre-pregnancy weight I'm a lazy bum. I'm here to say back off society!  I'm so sick and tired of feeling like this.  I'm tired of reading about people who lost all their baby weight in two weeks.  I'm tired of feeling like if there's a spot on my kitchen floor I'm a disgusting slob.  I'm tired of feeling like if my child has made a mess of her outfit I'm a bad mom.

 I read a blog today about why someone loved housekeeping (you can read it here).  When I first started reading I was a little skeptical because I thought it was going to be about why you are bad if you're not in love with cleaning.  But as I kept reading I was pleasantly surprised.  Instead of being in love with housekeeping because it's what society expects, it's all about showing love.  And I realized that was my problem.  I was so focused on what other people think of me that I didn't realize I should be doing things because I love myself, my family, and those around me.  I should clean the bathroom not because I don't want people to know I spilled toothpaste on the counter, but because I want them to feel relaxed and not uncomfortable.

I have felt so out of sorts because I never feel like I live up to standards in society.  I'm not a size six, I don't cook dinner every night, I don't clean everyday, my hair isn't perfectly coifed and sometimes I wear my pajamas all day.  I need to step back and take a really good look at what I value and what's important to me at the end of the day.   I was thinking about this today and feeling inadequate as a wife and mom (I even kind of had a small breakdown). I realized that I had measured my worth as a wife and mom against how well I took care of the home.  And then I realized that the only thing I should be measuring is what the Lord has commanded us to do in the Proclamation to the world:

                    " Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide    for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live ... . Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children."  

It doesn't say I need to have the dishes done by 9 am or that I need to be wearing pearls while cooking.  It says I need to TEACH, LOVE and NURTURE.  So what if there are toys everywhere?  It's probably because all of Little Girl's animals decided to attack the cats.  Who cares if I have cloth diapers drying in the living room when someone comes over.  I was too busy having a tickle fight and teaching Little Girl how to walk.   

I can't constantly live my life in fear that if I'm not perfect I'm not acceptable.  Because I am doing what's important.  When I focus on what I'm "supposed" to be doing I stress out and become irritable.  I am impatient and kind of mean.  But when I focus on Little Girl, Sam, and myself I am happier.  When I concentrate on getting the things done that bring the Spirit in my home or doing things because I want to do them I am happier.

It's not a bad thing to have a clean house or dinner ready when Sam comes home if I do them because I want to and because I love my family.  It's not a bad thing to do my hair and wear a pearl necklace because it makes me feel good. It is a bad thing though if I'm just trying to live up to the standards of others.  So I'm kicking society's rules to the curb.  If you come over to my house and it's a mess it's not because I'm slob.  It's probably because I decided that cleaning was a little less important that day.