Randall Christmas letter

Merry Christmas!

We were a little poor and lazy this year so we're doing a Christmas letter on here. That way it will reach those that want to read it.  This year has been a year of firsts for us!  We have also been blessed beyond what we thought was possible and we are truly grateful for every blessing and everyone we know.

Sam has had many accomplishments this year.  He has taken the GRE, the Landscape Industry Certified Managers Exam, finished his LAST fall semester at BYU (woot! only one class left!), became a daddy, completed an internship, provided for his family, survived school as a new dad ... you get the picture!  He has also had time to play with Little Girl, do the dishes, clean the cat box, help Erin with her business, watch Monk, and eat sugar.  So all in all it's been a great year :)  He is now working on Grad school applications and will hear back hopefully by March or April.  He also applied for a scholarship and had to get letters of recommendation and the writers had many great things to say! He is also preparing to compete in a Landscape computer design competition in March.  So wish him luck and send prayers his way! (and Erin too because she will be alone with the baby).

Erin has also been very busy this year.  Her biggest accomplishment was probably giving birth to a baby.  Whew! She was staying at home with Little Girl for most of the year but just recently went back to working part time at her old job.  It's only been a week so we'll see how that goes.  She has also started her own business making custom chalkboards and beautiful interchangeable decorations for yarn wreaths (check out her Etsy page!).  She loves working on her wreaths so much sometimes she dreams about them.  She even researches how to be better at making the flowers (pretty sure she is doing more research than she ever did in college!).  It has been both fun and stressful.  But the best job is still spending time with Little Girl.

Sariah-As you know we had our Little Girl (whom we affectionately call Little Girl or Boog) in February.  And she has been nothing but a bundle of crazy joy for us.  This year has been a year of many firsts for her and us.  She has been a happy, playful girl and LOVES to put stuff in her mouth.  Especially socks.  Seriously ... she carries a sock around all the time.  She also has decided she's our new vacuum and dutifully picks up anything on the floor and puts it in her mouth.  Drives her daddy crazy :)She is always on the move and starting to slowly walk (yikes!).  She loves people, her baby cheetos, and playing airplane with daddy.   

As you can see our year has been full of new adventures, fun and blessings!  We are grateful for this season when we can feel the Spirit of Christ more around us.  We hope you all have a very Merry Christmas and a very blessed new year.

Love,

The Randalls

Friends and love languages

So I know I posted about being friendless and I have to say things are looking up! I have become friends recently with a girl in my ward who used to be the Relief Society president.  She has been really great at just asking me to do things and being willing to just go on a walk or whatever.  It's been really nice to have someone who has looked past my awkward shyness and actually help me open up a bit about life and let me share my opinions.  Today she and I went to the temple.  She found out that I hadn't been able to go since they made the new movie and so she found a baby sitter for both our kids so we could go.  It was fun! And I got to treat her to dinner in the cafeteria.  I don't really get the chance to do that much for anyone.  But I really liked doing it. 

In fact I realized the other day while talking to Sam that I speak a different love language than what I feel.  I love to give gifts to people.  I love thinking about what people want and how to give it to them.  And sometimes I agonize over whether it's good enough for them because I want them to know and feel love and appreciation when I give it to them.  For instance, someone brought us dinner last week after our lovely trip to the hospital.  It was super sweet of her.  But I haven't returned her pan yet because I want to return with something it ... but I cannot figure out what yet.  So she's probably not going to get her pan back until like ... March? Haha just kidding.  I'll figure it out hopefully before Christmas. 

But yeah I just wanted to say I have found a friend.  Actually I have found a few friends after that post.  The girl who brought us dinner also asked to be my friend.  We just haven't done anything yet ... maybe I should get on that. Anyways I'm rambling which means I should probably stop writing now. 

Christmas traditions

So .... this is the first Christmas where I have sort of felt blah about Christmas.  Not that I don't have the spirit of Christmas (because really I have longed to do something for someone for Christmas), but I have just felt like it doesn't really feel like Christmas.  I think the reason is because we don't really have any solid traditions that can help it feel more like Christmas.  We haven't really had our own family Christmas since we've been married.  Our first Christmas we were still newly married so we kind of just did whatever and then ever since we've been with family so we've kind of just did what they did. 

So this year we haven't listened much to Christmas music, we didn't decorate a tree or really decorate at all.  We pulled out the nativity and our garland.  That was it.  I really want to start some traditions but I dunno what.  We're still kind of stuck at how to mesh our original family traditions into our lives while creating new ones.  Sadly, Christmas is now less than a week away too and we don't even know what we're doing for a Christmas dinner.  Life is too crazy.  And we still can't decided when to even open presents because our families did it so differently.  So really this post is to ask those that read this ... what are your traditions?  Or how, after you were married, create or bring old family traditions into your new marriage?  Because really I NEED something to help it feel more like Christmas!

Hibernating

So a few days ago I posted about being friendless and I had quite a few people respond to it.  I was really surprised actually at how many people talked about their own loneliness, shared their love for me, and just gave advice.  And it was great!  I really loved connecting with people about it.  I realized after posting that I probably didn't give a very good explanation about how hard I do try to make friends and that there just seems to be a wall between me connecting with people on a personal level.  Which I think is what makes me feel friendless. I have acquaintances and some that I can say they're my friends, but because the interaction is so sporadic and few I guess it just feels like there's no friend I can really turn to comfortably at any time.  And that's what I really want. 

My cousin had messaged me after my post about how she has also struggled with this same thing even among family.  I think she and I are really a lot more alike than we realize.  But she hit it on the nose when she said she's someone who needs only a couple really close friends instead of a bunch of acquaintances.  And that's when I realized that's really what I needed.  I don't need to have 5-10 friends.  I just need one or two that I can turn to, be myself, open up, and just have fun.  I miss those days of being young and having a few friends and just doing whatever and talking about whatever. 

And it really sunk in today how much I need a friend to just hang out and talk and not have the need to go anywhere.  Yesterday I ventured out of our apartment for the first time since Little Girl got sick.  Ugh.  It was not fun.  It had snowed last week and then some more later so the sidewalks were covered with snow, ice and slush.  And since we don't have a car we had to push our way through in a stroller.  And I decided I'm never going back out until there is no snow on the ground because it was miserable.  I now know and feel deep sympathy for the pioneers traveling through the winter.

And because of this decision to hole up I realize my attempts to be social have gone completely down the drain.  So if anyone wants to come to my place feel free :) 

Back though to my friendless post.  I just want to say thank you to those that responded.  It was nice to see those that I never thought would struggled have also felt like that at times and that's it's not just me.  It's just partly me.  I do hope though that when Sam and I move that I'll have improved on my skills and our next home will be less overwhelming to dive into.

Hospital stay

So this week we got to have the experience of taking Little Girl to the hospital.  Short story is she got dehydrated from puking lots and lots. But this isn't really what this post is about.  Instead this is about what an eye opener it was for me with how hard it is to put your life on hold when someone in your family is in the hospital no matter how serious or not the situation is.  And how I can use my own experience to be more aware of what others are going through and hopefully be able to serve them better.

So what did I learn? 

Number one, even though you probably are just sitting in a room you don't really have lots of time on your hands because nurses and doctors can be in and out whenever.  And because whoever is in the hospital probably needs some attention from you.  With Little Girl because she's just a baby it was constant attention almost.  And although we weren't doing anything except sitting for most of the time it was literally more draining to do that than out running errands all day (it may have not helped that I was also sick the day we took her in.  I didn't really get much of a chance to recover).  And because it was draining, when we got home the thought of doing anything was overwhelming.  It probably didn't help that because both Little Girl and I had been sick our place was kind of a mess, so coming home to a mess was blah.  But it did make me realize that people who spend time in the hospital don't have time to clean, eat, or much of anything.  So next time I know someone who has to do that I think I'll offer to clean their place.  Or bring them food the day they get home.

Number two kind of goes a long with bringing them food.  Sam and I didn't think we'd be at the hospital that long.  I personally figured a few hours.  We'd be home in the wee hours of that next day.  So we didn't prepare ourselves with food.  HUGE mistake.  Especially because that day I had been throwing up too so I had had nothing in my stomach.  I was starving starving starving.  And yes the nurse station has snacks, but really? Goldfish can only taste good for so long.  And yes there's a cafe/cafeteria, but that costs money.  Money we don't really have at the moment to be honest.  But because we were starving we caved and got food there.  And I'm not sure if it was because I hadn't felt good/not eaten for so long, but the hamburger I got made me feel queasy.  And it didn't taste like a real hamburger.  Which was sad because I was really looking forward to it.  But anyways, because of my experience with lack of delicious food, I realized that it might be nice to just bring someone something delicious to eat while they're at the hospital.  Luckily towards the end of our stay I had a friend bring me a sandwich and stuff which was quite tasty. And I really do appreciate that she was willing to do that for me.

Number three, find out what else needs to be done.  I am a guilty party of just telling someone let me know if they need anything instead of specifically asking if they need anything.  But I also think it goes beyond even that.  A few people asked if I needed anything (which was great and very kind of them) and I honestly have to say I felt too guilty saying yes actually I do.  Instead I said, nope we're good. Maybe other people don't do that and actually say what they need, but I don't.  And I'm sure there are others who don't say what they need.  So whether they need someone to watch their kids, walk the dog, feed the goldfish, or they just need a nap, I am gonna find out what it is.  I hope.

Awhile back a family in our ward had their baby in the hospital and I desperately wanted to do something for them but I had no idea what they would even need.  I literally dialed their number so I could ask them what they would need, but then at the last minute hung up because I felt foolish.  I really regret that now.  I wish I could fix that now that I have this knowledge of how much being in a hospital for even two days throws your life off.  So ... if you were ever wondering what someone needs after they have spent even a day at the hospital here it is:

1. A clean place to come home to.  It's so yucky to come home drained of energy and your dishes aren't done.
2. Food!  Food for their stay at the hospital and food for when they get home. 
3. Whatever else you can think of.

Shy, married and friendless

I'm not sure why I decided to write about this because it's kind of personal, but it's been on my mind lately and I figured why not?

I am a pretty reserved, shy person around those I don't know well.  I am kind of awkward with getting to know you chit chat because I find it boring, and I'm too scared to jump to the personal questions or opinions, so I tend to just be quiet.

I'm sure a lot of people think I'm just a snob, but really I'm just terrified to open up.  I can't just tell people what I think, feel, and like.  Unless of course they ask me directly.  Instead I tend to just people watch and pick up bits and pieces about people (and then later sound like a stalker when I mention it to them :) it's great).  I like to see who a person is really before becoming their friend because I don't really like flakes or mean people. 

Before I got married I felt it was easier to make friends.  I was still shy and reserved around those I didn't know, but because I had more of an opportunity to be consistently around people in my classes at school, my job or with roommates I quickly adjusted and soon  became friends with people.  Usually I was the one that had to step outside my comfort zone to be friends, but it usually ended up being worth it. Once I got married making friends probably became the hardest thing in the world.  Harder than being married (which is a piece of cake by the way).

I had moved to Utah, so the only person I really knew was Sam.  I didn't have a job at first so I was a little lonely but I figured I would make friends eventually.  Ha, little did I know it took forever!  The first friend I made was a girl from my work.  We had been on the same team for like oh six months? Our cubicles were right next to each other, we had been hired/trained at the same time and yet we didn't even talk to each other. It wasn't until we were put on this project of putting call number labels on books that we were forced to either sit in awkward silence or start talking.  Luckily we decided awkward was just too awkward. 

In my ward though making friends has still been really really hard.  It probably doesn't help that it's got 300+ active members.  But sometimes I really just feel lost.  We've been there for three and a half years (which is really long for this ward).  There have been plenty of people that I would have loved to get to know, but for some reason I just can't.  

Before being kind of friendless didn't really bother me.  I worked and then hung out with Sam.  He was and is my best friend so it never really bothered me.  But now that I've been a stay at home mom for 9 months I have realized how friendless I really am (ha, slight tangent-I dunno who watches 'I Love Lucy' but now I really want to go cry in a park so the Friends of the Friendless will come find me!). Anyways, I love being a mom.  It's had challenges but nothing I feel that has made my life hard.  It's being friendless that has made it hard.

I did get to be friends with a girl who was the wife of a guy in Sam's major.  She had her baby a week and a half before me so we started being friends because of that (before that we kind of just awkwardly acknowledged our existence).  But then they moved on to grad school in Texas. Boo.  So I became somewhat friendless again.

Today though I guess I just feel a little down about the friendless thing because I'm not sure how to be a friend.  Maybe people don't get it when I say we should do something sometime really means that.  I personally would just set up a time and thing when I say that but most people would probably think me demanding.   Or when I say that I'm literally at home all the time and would love to do something, they don't take me up on it.  I'm sure you're probably now thinking, well why don't you just be more blunt with people and say "how about we get together tuesday?" and all I can say is I'm just too darn shy to do that.  Plus I admit there have been times I didn't really want friends.  I've had some friendships that just overwhelmed me.  There was too much drama and despair that I just don't have the heart to deal with it again now that I'm married.  I have enough drama going on in my head.  That doesn't mean though that I don't want to be a friend to someone during their troubles.  It's just hard to be a friend when someone just constantly has troubles ... all the time. 

For those of you who do know me well, you're probably thinking wondering where the heck is shy Erin?  You're just lucky I guess to know the real me.  But for those of you who don't know me past my awkward shyness or have felt like I don't like you, I promise that I really am awesome deep down in my gut.  And that if you promise to at least be sunshiney one day a week we can most definitely be friends. 

Ok now after reading about how I don't want a friend with problems I feel bad. I hope I didn't come across as I don't want a friend who has problems.  I think really what I mean is I want a friend who won't create problems in my life.  Everybody has problems. Obviously I do since I'm writing this.  I just find it hard to be friends with someone who creates problems in their lives or causes drama.  So basically if your life could become an MTV show we're probably not meant to be friends... because really it's only interesting on tv.

But I guess what I'm trying to say is if there's someone who you might think is a snob or awkward, maybe they're just shy and really do want to be your friend.

And I'm done.  Here's that Lucy clip I was telling you about earlier.  It doesn't have the whole clip but that's ok because it's Lucy. Which I love: Friends of the Friendless