I finally finished reading the No-cry book that I've talked about before (ok that's a lie I didn't completely finish it. The end was stuff that I didn't really feel was necessary to read right now). And I'm excited to get started for real. I've been attempting sleep training every day but I think to really get started I have to get Sam now up to date with what he needs to do. Last night he was putting her to bed (she seems to do better with him for bedtime) and I had forgotten to tell him that I switched gears and we weren't going to let her cry it out. So he just put her in the crib awake and tried to soothe her while she was crying. So once he's up to date with what we need to do I think it will go a lot smoother. But it's going to take time and a lot of patience.
No-cry has phases that parents work through to slowly get their baby to learn how to sleep on their own. Phase 1 is all about getting your baby to be falling asleep (not sleepy but actually on the brink of dreams) but not actually asleep before you put them in their crib. It's quite a tough balance to know when she's falling asleep and asleep sometimes. Also, when I finally do get to that perfect she's almost asleep but still aware it is soooooo freaking hard to put her in her crib and not completely wake her up. This is mostly due to me not being tall enough. I literally have to stand on my tip toes and bend as far as a I can to set her down and I still end up slightly dropping her sometimes, instead of gently setting her down (OR she is still almost asleep and she flips herself over and starts to crawl which wakes her up. Crazy child just sleep! ).
If your baby wakes back up the author says to start over again until you get her to fall asleep in her crib or until you're too frustrated with the situation. Then you just get your baby to fall asleep completely so you'll at least get some sleep and a break. I really like that she gives you the ok to work with your situation and your child. Nothing aggravates me more than when some "expert" says you just have to do it. Or you won't ever get your child to sleep. No breaks, no giving in. Don't pick up your child when they're crying. They're just going to learn when they cry you'll come running! Well ... isn't that the point of crying?
I know that since I'm her mom I should be able to do what I want and feel is right, but when you don't even know what you're doing sometimes you just want someone to tell you what to do. Or you've just heard over and over that doing something one way is wrong and so you feel guilty if you do that something. Like nursing your baby to sleep. I do it all the time even though the "experts" say you shouldn't. But it's easier said than done if you have a newborn who falls asleep all the time when you nurse. Or it's your only relief from them crying. No-cry says go for it. If that's what helps your baby at the moment then do it without feeling guilty.
It's much better for my relationship with Little Girl to be able to slowly change how she sleeps than to completely shut her off from what she's used to. We don't do that to crack addicts do we? We give them time and a rehab to get through their addiction and they still have setbacks even with success! So why on earth would I tell my baby, um no from now on you're going to go to sleep in your crib without me rocking you or nursing. You're just going to have to deal with it because you're 6 months old now and you're old enough to learn. So just tough it out kid. I can't. Which is why I love this book's approach. Slow and steady. Take breaks when needed. You're not going to ruin the progress you've made if you have one bad night and give up for that night.
Ok, I feel now I'm being mean to those that might be ok with letting their baby to cry it out. So I just want to put this out there: Don't think I think you're wrong with your parenting, because you're not. You're not a bad parent. I promise, I just feel that for me my approach has to be slow. Just think of yourselves as those that can go cold turkey on cigarettes. Not a bad thing because some just need to go cold turkey for it to work. I'm just the crack addict who needs rehab and weaning ... slow weaning.
Reading this book and then also reading Intuitive Eating has really helped me realize how good slow and steady really can be sometimes. In a world where we want results quickly, it can be hard when they don't come with your quick fix approach. But with these two programs they focus on slow and steady because in the end those results will be lasting (hopefully!) because you're thinking has changed. Your view about certain things have improved. You learn to accept change better and accept your faults because you realize it's a work in progress. It's not necessary to be perfect quickly or sometimes ever. It's important to just learn and grow.
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