Be ye therefore perfect

So, as most women, I have always struggled with my self-worth.  I measure myself up to those around me and usually find myself lacking in some way.  I'm too fat, my hair isn't pretty enough, I can't form as eloquent a sentence as the other person in class, I'm too quiet, not artistic enough, etc.  I'm sure many women experience this most days, if not many times in one day.  I decided though that I needed to change that.  I need to accept myself for who I am and learn to focus on my strengths and talents.

Lately I have been going to these nutrition consultations on BYU campus.  At first it was really a way for me to get some help with how to focus on eating healthier so that I could lose weight, but the sessions have really focused on not just eating, but focusing on myself as a whole.  It's really made me look at myself and see how I can really enjoy life as me.

As you have seen in other posts I really kind of like to make artistic things, but I tend to over analyze my finished work and see the flaws instead of seeing what a good job I did.  Yes, there are a few things that I am pleased with overall, but most of the time I think that it should have turned out better.  I think part of the problem is my imagination is just too darn good :) but also that society has trained us, women especially, to portray a perfect lifestyle.  It's disgusting really.  You have to have the perfect home, perfect clothes, hair, kids, husband, dog, car, Sunday School lesson, cookies, etc.  You have to look put together no matter what you're feeling on the inside or you've just failed.  At least that's how I've felt in my own life.  We used to have neighbors whose apartment was always perfectly clean.  It was amazing and I was so jealous! I would look in their window and then turn to Sam and complain about how I wish our apt was always that clean.  Even now that I stay home it's never that clean!  But I've slowly learned that it's ok.  We're not disgusting slobs, we just sometimes have a mess.

Anyways, I have really struggled with this "perfectionist" syndrome for awhile.  But then a few weeks ago while I was studying scriptures this amazing revelation came to me.  I was reading about being perfect and the Atonement and I really can't explain how, but this thought just popped into my head that being perfect wasn't this instant thing.  Now, some of you might be thinking, well duh Erin, we're taught that all the time! And yes we are.  Prophets and apostles have taught us that life is a test and we must endure it well.  No one is perfect except for the Savior and we will never be perfect without him.  This is all perfectly true, but I also realized that I believe we are perfect just by trying again.

Satan wants us to quit and give up trying to be righteous.  So when we "fail" at something, whether it's going to the temple, studying our scriptures consistently, spread gossip, etc. we have a choice: either give up on what we "failed" at OR try again!  When we try again we become perfected and we are perfect.  We learn from our mistake and adjust our course.  For some reason this way of thinking really help boost me into realizing that I can be perfect.  The Atonement allows us all to try again by repenting of that mistake and going forth with our spirits renewed.  I'm not sure why this just now hit me.  Maybe Satan has been so good at hiding this simple way of understanding how I can be perfect.  But now that I've made this wonderful break through I have to say it's made my life a lot easier.  I have a different perspective on mistakes.  Instead of thinking, Oh great I've messed up again, or, I'm never going to get this right! I try to remember that being perfect is trying again.  It's ok to mess up.  Looking back on things I have messed up on and how I have handled it when I had another chance to do better, sometimes I do great and sometimes I'm still needing to keep trying.

Another thing I am also trying to work on is remembering no one else around me is perfect either.  Even if they seem to pull off looking like perfection, they are not.  They have their own weaknesses and faults they are secretly working on as well.  So next time when I pull a comparison game with someone I will try to just acknowledge that they have wonderful qualities and I have wonderful qualities and neither of us is better than the other.